Patriot gun sales clerk.

Since the First Amendment allows so-called “hate speech” to run rampant in the United States, President Joe Biden has come up with a new way to crate a kindler, gentler America–banning what he calls “hate thought.”

Biden Seeks Hate Thought Ban

“Thinking is way overrated anyway,” Biden said at a press conference announcing the initiative. “Hell, I haven’t had a lucid thought in half a decade, and I’m the one running this place. So just cut it out already.”

Biden’s proposal particularly targets “”high-capacity hate thought,” in which a person has what the government might perceive to be hateful thoughts toward entire groups of people, or several at a time.

“Nobody needs a mind that will hold more than 10 or so hateful thoughts at a time,” Biden explained. “That’s not acceptable, and we won’t stop until we have a ban in place.”

The realm of hate thought nearly exclusively swells around conservative ideology, particularly the 2A advocates. The President’s plan obviously calls for a stop in love and admiration for all military, law enforcement and first responders. It also abhors the desire for identification, secure borders and a free market.

It further admonishes all the hateful thoughts directed toward David Chipman recently. “High-capacity hate thought brought down a great American,” the president said. “Good ol’ David could have used ATF to really make a difference out there, and hateful pro-gun folks completely tanked his nomination.”

FAKE-Tical News is satire for operators who are nuts about guns. If you find it offensive, it’s likely that you have a poor sense of humor. If you simply don’t find it funny, please keep that to yourself as the author is just trying to make a living. Find more FAKE-Tical News in each issue of Tactical Life Magazine. Order yours now at

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