A sneaky David Chipman hopes to lead the ATF as Biden's director.
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On the heels of a bombshell letter from seven long-time ATF employees asking the U.S. Senate to reject President Joe Biden’s appointment of David Chipman as head of that agency, Chipman’s attorneys have released seven notes from high school classmates of Chipman’s proving the nominee is a “really cool dude.”

David Chipman Classmates Think He’s a “Really Cool Dude?”

According to Chimpan’s attorneys, the notes, all found on the inside front and back covers of his senior class yearbook, are proof that Chipman is qualified for the position, despite concerns of just about everyone in the nation except Biden and some Democrats in Congress.

“You’re a really cool dude and lots of fun to be around,” wrote one female classmate, the note accompanied by a heart with an arrow through it. “Don’t ever change!”

“Stay koooool!” another, a male classmate, wrote. “And bring me back my dang bong sometime when you’re home from college, you little shit!!!!!”

“See you at our five-year reunion, sucker!” one exclaimed, with a hand-drawn picture of a butt by it. “By then maybe people will realize your true brilliance!!”

Another wrote, “When you get into politics, don’t forget me!”

“Stay sweet, then repeat!” wrote yet another.

According to Chipman’s attorneys, the yearbook notes are pretty impactful evidence that the Senate should approve his nomination in the upcoming vote, which hasn’t yet had a date set. “They far outweigh those seven special agents who are just jealous that David might soon be their new boss.”

ATF Agents Reject Chipman

Back on Aug. 3, former agents—all with 25 years or more of service to the ATF and former colleagues of Chipman—sent a pointed letter to senators asking that they flatly reject his appointment. For one thing, the agents pointed to Chipman’s know-it-all-attitude, as displayed during his recent Senate Judiciary Hearing, as a factor in their opposition to him.

“Having been at the Bureau at the same time as Mr. Chipman and having followed his career after he left the Bureau, we are very familiar with his leadership style and his approach to leading the agency,” the agents, one with 42 years with ATF, wrote. “While an agent, David did not exhibit the collaborative and respectful type of leadership required of an agency Director that must manage a diverse workforce with challenging issues. While we can say without hesitation that David is very smart, we can also say without hesitation that he was very often not a team player and had a troubling tendency to think he was always right.”

Chipman’s attorneys said one of the yearbook notes they found flatly refutes that contention.

“Don’t listen to all the naysayers,” wrote his social studies teacher, noting he had been voted Least Likely To Ever Head A Federal Agency. “There’s surely a place for you out there somewhere. Your job is to figure out where that place is.”

FAKE-Tical News is satire for operators who are nuts about guns. If you find it offensive, it’s likely that you have a poor sense of humor. If you simply don’t find it funny, please keep that to yourself as the author is just trying to make a living. Find more FAKE-Tical News in each issue of Tactical Life Magazine. Order yours now at OutdoorGroupStore.com.

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